They are everywhere. There is cute little chubby cheeks, soft skin, and little hands everywhere I turn. When I go grocery shopping, church, visiting friends, vacations, doctor appointments, library, post office, browsing facebook, instagram and pinterest...the list goes on and on. It's just the phase of life I'm in. All my friends are having babies. If you're like me, then a lot of times seeing a picture of a newborn baby all dolled up on pinterest posing, can bring a pang of jealousy and hit home. Maybe even sometimes the pain is so real that day, silly tears are shed over the fact that I don't have a baby to doll up and post pictures of on facebook, instagram, or pinterest. I remember having such a day where I sat in front of my computer and tears starting streaming down my face as I gazed at a picture of the cutest, little baby. I didn't even know the baby. But it didn't matter, all that mattered is I wanted one and I couldn't have one (yet).
I remember my husband asking me what was wrong as I cried in front of the computer so I told him. Of course, he being the wonderful, sweet man that he is just held me and let me cry it out. He does that a lot. He should get some kind of an award for how much time I've spent in his arms balling. Later that day, after the tears and pain faded a little I decided I needed to take a break from social networking stuff...just for one day to see if it made me feel better. I did it. Funny, how many times I picked up my phone to check my facebook etc. only to stop myself suddenly remembering the commitment I made that day. Did it make me feel better? Oh yes. It totally did. It was wonderful to be free of being constantly reminded that I can't have children (yet).
After that no social networking day, I decided to take control of the way I viewed things on those websites. Sure, I still see the baby stuff, but do you know my trick? I hide it. You can do that, just hide things you don't want to see on facebook. Also, I went through a lot of my friends pinterest boards I was following and unfollowed any boards that had to do with babies. There's not much you can do on instagram except fly over the pic quickly and not dwell on it. Maybe you think I should be happy for all my friends that are having babies and most days I am, but it's still hard...no matter how happy I am for them. So for my mental and emotional health I decided it was okay to control what I see and most important to NOT feel guilty about it. Truly, I don't feel any guilt hiding my best friends 4-5 posts on facebook a day about all things baby (she's having her first) and do you know what? She wouldn't care that I do that. She would want me to do that if it means helping me handle things during a tough time.
My advice to you today is take control of the way you social network. It can make a difference.
I started following your blog about a week ago, after my husband and I found out the only way we'll ever be able to have kids is through IVF. I've known from when I was young that it might be hard for me to have children because of my PCOS... but after 4 round of clomid and nothing happened my Dr. suggested we get some more tests done, and found out that I am not the only one with infertility problems but that my sweet husband has some infertility issues as well, so when you combine our infertility problems we only have a 1% chance of having a baby on our own... so we're left with IVF. Anyway, we found all this out only a week ago, so the emotions are still raw. I can completely empathies with how you feel! It doesn't matter where I look I see babies EVERYWHERE!!!! And I find myself being sad over the fact that my husband and I don’t have one. I'm ashamed to admit that I even get jealous! haha. After being able to think things through, I know and feel that Heavenly Father will bless us with children; it might not be in the time frame that we want or in the way that we want, but that blessing will come. I just have to learn to be patient! hahaha which is really hard for me to do!!!! Anyway I just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog! One thing that has really helped me get over my pity parties, besides my husband and the Lord, is know that other women out there are facing and going through the same things I am! So thank you for sharing your story, and helping those of us along the way as well!
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DeleteHi Anna,
DeleteThank you for reading my blog and for your comment! It's wonderful to hear from you. I can understand how you feel when finding out that IVF is your best chance. That's a hard conversation to hear from a doctor. I hope you can find peace with that soon, I know how achy your heart can feel for a while after that news. Also, I just wanted to say that your feelings of being sad and jealous of other people that have babies, is totally normal. Don't feel ashamed. I've learned that the best way for me to heal is to let myself feel those things and then try my best to find ways to overcome and cope with those feelings. It's Heavenly Father's plan for us to feel pain and happiness, without the pain we wouldn't know the happiness...so just let yourself feel :) I've been at this for almost 4 years and I promise those sad and jealous feelings will go and come with the tides...so it's really finding the best tools to help us overcome and endure them when they come. From your comment I can tell that you have so much faith and trust in God. Hold on to those feelings, they mean EVERYTHING through this trial. Thank you for reading my blog! I really appreciate the comment. I agree with you, it helps to talk to other women out there that are facing the same thing. Now that I know your name, my husband and I will pray for your family! :)
Also, Anna, please feel free to email me and ask me all the personal questions you want about IVF etc. I know that it really helped me to have someone to ask really intimate questions about it as I was learning about the process. My email is insideinfertility@gmail.com
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