A couple weeks ago I was having a really confusing dream, but then it switched suddenly. It seemed like everything came quickly into focus. I was at my parents house visiting and I decided to go check on the baby that was taking a nap in one of the basement rooms to make sure she was still sleeping. I quietly opened the door, tip toed over to the crib and peaked over. WOW! There she was...her beautiful eyes staring up at me. As soon as I looked into those eyes, I felt this overwhelming sense of, "She belongs to me. She's mine forever." It was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced in my life. That was my little girl, my daughter. I picked her up and gently hugged her close and my eyes teared up as I said a silent, "Thank you" to God for the most precious gift He has ever given to me. Then I changed her diaper, laid her back down to sleep and quietly shut the door behind me. That was it. Then my dream turned into a weird, jumbled mess again.
When I woke up that morning I remember I sat straight up in bed, closed my eyes again and I saw that dream so clearly again. Just like a movie in my mind. Most importantly, I again felt the incredible sense of that little girl belonging to me. I know, undeniably, that dream was given to me by God. My husband and I have been doing really well the past few months, I haven't felt depressed or sad about infertility...I've just felt HOPE. And with that hope comes complete trust in God that everything will turn out the way it should. So when this dream came, I was a little surprised because I've had only two other vivid dreams about my future children and they came at times where I was struggling so much. But this dream was different. I knew God was telling me, "Thank you for having so much trust in me. Here's some reassurance, so that you know one day this will happen for you."
I remember the whole rest of the day, I would close my eyes and experience that dream and the feelings all over again. It was so real and so wonderful. I didn't want to let it go. The next morning, I decided it was time to tell my husband about it. Share with him the hope and love I felt through that dream. When I told him, I couldn't help but cry and as I looked into his face I know he felt what I felt too. It was a very special moment to share with him.
This will happen for us. I'm sure of it. I just don't know when it will happen, but I've come to understand that the when isn't nearly as important as trusting in God. I know He will bless us with children and that is all that matters.
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