Yesterday when my husband and I returned home from our two week road trip we stopped at our mailbox to unload it and what did we find? THE packet. What is THE packet? Well, it's a folder for IVF with an overload of information on everything you need to do, appointments to schedule and confirmation, the medication regiment, the calendar, the cost sheet, the consent forms, etc. It goes on and on. Feels like you'll never get to the end of it. And when you do finally get to the end of THE packet you feel many different things. My husband said he felt "numb", I felt like I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry for days, throw up, give up, and forget the whole dang thing!!
At least that's how I was feeling as I went to a church meeting about an hour after reading through THE packet. As I was in the church meeting listening to one of the leaders in my church share some thoughts about spiritual matters, the prayer in my heart was answered. I felt at total peace again. I knew that doing IVF is what Heavenly Father wants my husband and I to be doing. That doesn't mean that I know it will work, that we will get pregnant from this IVF, that doesn't necessarily matter. What matters is that my husband and I do what the Lord wants us to do...and we know He wants us to do this IVF. Whether is works or not is beside the point. If it works, then it will be a miracle and my husband and I will be the happiest we've ever been in our lives. If it doesn't, we will pray for comfort and peace and to understand why we needed to do that IVF. To understand what we needed to learn from going through IVF in order to be better prepared for the day we do have the incredible blessing of becoming parents. I know God's plan for our family is infinitely better then any scenario I could dream up for us, because I trust Him. He is the Almighty, He can make ANYTHING happen and I know He wants us to be happy so His timing and His will is all that matters.
Sure, THE packet made me feel sick, exhausted, and overwhelmed, but I've learned when I focus my life on God and the Savior then faith and hope will always, always replace my doubts, fears, and pain.
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