2WW

Well it's not technically a "two week wait", it's really about a ten day wait, but you got me. That's where we are right now, just waiting. Waiting to find out if we're pregnant.

Since my transfer, I've had a constant migraine. It's always there, but sometimes there are really sharp pains. It's so so so not fun. But I just keep telling myself that this is a new symptom and it's a good sign, I've had migraines before they come and go...they have never been so constant. So hopefully that means my body is adjusting to a condition it's never been in before.

I actually really believe that we are pregnant this time. I just feel it.

Two days ago, my husband got some incredibly bad news. The military told us where our next assignment would be this coming Spring. So many indications led us to believe we were going to a base that is within an hour of my family. BUT that is NOT where we were assigned. We will be moving to a state that I have never and will never have the slightest inclination of wanting to live...the only semi good thing about it is that it is right in the middle of my husband and I's families. The thing is, we never planned on staying in the military for the long haul and so this is helping to make the decision to try and get out even earlier easier.

The last couple of years the military has been asking for volunteers to separate, they are downsizing because of budget cuts and we hope to take advantage of that. If my husband can qualify for that then we will only have to live at our next assignment for about 5-6 months. If we don't qualify, they he will go into the reserves...either way we will not be living in that horrible state for 3-4 years. Not gonna happen. Plus, with the education my husband has he can find a job anywhere he wants in the civilian world.

Unluckily, this devastating piece of news came during the 2ww...which I've tried to just completely not think about because it automatically stresses me out and I really, really don't want to be stressed out right now. I cried for two days about it, I think it's mostly out of my system. I'm still incredibly unhappy about it because I'm stubborn and I hate it when people tell me what I have to do...force me to do things I don't want to (definition of the military). But I feel better because we both agree it's time to try and get out and with that decision came such a sense of relief.

Results

Had our egg retrieval yesterday. They didn't retrieve as many as I would have liked, I was hoping for around 12, but I'm not going to feel bad about that. They retrieved 9 eggs, 8 of them were mature and 6 have fertilized so far. Tomorrow is Day 2, we'll get another update on how they are growing and learn more if we will be doing a Day 3 or 5 transfer...I'm hoping for a Day 5!

Tomorrow!

Egg retrieval tomorrow morning! Can't wait!! I'll let you know how it goes...(we're hoping for at least 10 eggs)

GOOD NEWS!!

Wow!!! I feel like we finally got our very first piece of good news throughout the last four years. Yesterday, I had my first ultrasound for my IVF cycle to see how my follicles are growing. The day before my ovaries had already been feeling tender and sore so I was hoping it was a good sign since I didn't feel so sore so early on during our first IVF attempt. Turns out it was a good sign!! It's still pretty early to get a closer number to how many eggs to expect to be retrieved, BUT I have a much better start than I did last time.

As my doctor start measuring follicles on my first ovary I was just counting how many "small" follicles I had...follicles that were behind the majority of the rest. I counted three on my first ovary, then the doc asked the nurse, "how many total did I give you?" Nurse responds, "10." TEN!!!! How moly!! My heart jumped for joy, I was already SO happy! Even if you minus the smaller follicles from the ovary that still means I had seven growing follicles, which is AWESOME! During my last IVF, I had seven follicles total and then when they retrieved the eggs, they only retrieved five...two of the follicles didn't have eggs in them, they were empty. So already just on one ovary I have as many follicles as I did during our whole attempt for the previous IVF.

Then the doc started measuring my other ovary. There I counted two small follicles, but there was a total of nine!! So technically, I have 19 growing follicles right now, with five smaller ones. We are ecstatic! This is the first time I've felt like we actually gotten some really, really stellar news about fertility stuff. And I'm reveling in it!! I'm legitimately so excited about our doctors appointment tomorrow. Tomorrow, they will be able to estimate a better number of eggs for retrieval and they will probably decide what day for sure they will be doing the retrieval (probably Tuesday or Wednesday).

After our doc appointment yesterday, I called my mom to tell her the GREAT news and she screamed and yelled and celebrated just like we were doing! Yes, I know this doesn't mean I'm going to get pregnant, but we have a hell of a lot better chance with more eggs. And yes, I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm not pregnant yet and completely focus on one day at a time and be happy and excited and hopeful one day at a time. I knew it my heart this IVF would go better than the last, I just knew it. And I'm so thankful for that!

Wow!!! I'm an egg factory baby! And proud of it! My ovaries are kickin' butt! One of my very close friends, endearingly started calling me "Egg Head" when I told her the good news. So...

Egg Head out.

It got to me

Well two nights ago I had an emotional breakdown. I was ready to quit, to throw in the towel, get our money back and give up even though I know that we are suppose to be doing this. Doubts have a very powerful way of making you forget your faith and hope. The breakdown was real, hard, painful, long, and difficult to overcome. It also was very much fueled by my wacky hormones. I've told my husband so many, many times how much I hate fertility drugs because I don't feel like me when I'm taking them. I feel like...well, a monster.

Two nights ago I was suppose to take my fertility injection at 10pm, but I was feeling so sick and depressed that I curled up in a ball on my bed, in the dark and just stared at nothing. I couldn't mentally, emotionally, or physically make myself get up and do the shot. I said some things to my husband that were probably very mean and unfair, which obviously led him to distancing himself a little. Which is actually the best thing for him to do when I'm feeling like that, he has learned well. So after some time and some texting back and forth in separate rooms...again, that can be a safer option than being in the same room and talking face to face when my emotions are so strong. We came together. My husband let me cry a lot, talk a lot more and then he got up, loaded the medicine in the syringe, handed it to me, and told me how much he loved me as I gave myself the shot.

The next day, I was sick all day. Could hardly get out of bed and so my husband stepped up to the plate and hit a homer, he took such good care of me all day. He's a winner when I'm being a loser and so things work out just fine...as long as we aren't both being losers at the same time. So thankful for him and for his love, forgiveness, patience, and kindness. I know I'm describing him to be flawless, he's not, and I'm glad he's not...but he is absolutely trying the best he can and that's all I could ever want.